Ok. It’s going well. Really well. One disclaimer: I had “BeReal” still installed on my mobile and I kept saying to myself that this isn’t a real social media app because it’s “real” and also there’s no endless feed of random stuff, but a possibility to see your friends. Yeah, cheating. Now, I’ve uninstalled it because I caught myself thinking a bit too much about the likes from handsome dudes that another handsome dude in my feed is getting. It clearly made me jealous. A good thing about dopamine fasting is that I’m now even realizing that I’m jealous. Before, I would have kept scrolling or listening to music, or watching TV. I’m more connected to the things that are going on in my mind now. It’s the only thing that’s talking. Everything else is just silent.
The fact that I’m updating this blog is another sign that it’s going well. I’m allocating my time to different things now. It took roughly a week, but I feel myself slowly making different decisions. Instead of watching some TV show in every free minute that I have, I’ve made phone calls that were long overdue, I’ve prepared a dessert for a gathering, and I even did some pushups today.
Yesterday was a rough day. I was very stressed at work and an endless call containing a lot of accusations shot my blood pressure through the roof. I was doubting the dopamine fasting as I didn’t see any other way to control my anger than to numb it with something. Like I did for the last – I don’t know – 20 years?! I did nothing. And then I had problems sleeping. I ended up watching one documentary to get my head off the topic. That helped. This was the last resort though. I had tried shifting my thoughts and distracting myself with reading, but it didn’t help. However, I’ve lived through my anger yesterday. And today, I actually feel good. I’m not ruminating on yesterday’s anger. I know that it’s over and I honored my feelings when it was time to do so. It feels healthy.